Human beings have an inherent craving to possess and their intense desire makes them feel helpless. Feeling ignored and unwanted affects one's psyche whereas being appreciated is morale booster.  Donot self-pity instead introspect to find cause and appropriate lasting solution to ongoing internal conflict. Nothing is stable, start working to discover and hone your skills, strength and resilience to counter the manoeuvring by people surrounding you. Experiencing condemnation & intimidation is discomforting but perseverance and hard work always pays off. Win over your inertia, no work however small is disrespectful for a self respecting person. Every person has some skills, use them to sustain life with dignity and never compromise with your values. 

 

Each one of us have separate interests, aspirations and priorities. Mutual respect, trust, understanding things from each other's perspective, honest admittance of own vulnerabilities is the key to live without regrets and resentment. Believe in yourself, avoid comparisons, don't lose hope & motivation and don't fear criticism, your strong willpower shall help you achieve your dreams.

A Child is vulnerable to suffer emotional trauma. The children hesitant to share their feelings which they are unable to understand & deal with nurture suppressed emotions that remain unresolved and manifest in behavioural, emotional and psychological issues. These children invariably experience loneliness, anger, anxiety and depression.

 

 

Partnership is about long association & experiences with an authentic and realistic individual in the intriguing life journey.  Trust and ability to let go nurtures deep friendship. One's own insecurities makes it hard to share own emotions without inhibition leading to lack of emotional connect and commitment. A self -confident & self- respecting human is resilient and designed to survive uncertainty of relationship.

 

Memories of traumitised past nurtures intense indulgence in blame game and revengeful attitude thus poisons one's psyche. Emotional breakdown makes a person feel lost and helpless A small generous gesture, even by a stranger at this point, has a tremendous impact on one's life. Never be terrified of what you are, respect and love your individuality. Do not permit others' opinion corrupt your mind and compromise own individualism.  Love, compassionate listening, connectedness, patience and conviction to work hard helps wash off the guilt. Be kind and loving, everyone deserves respect and happiness. Engage self creatively, creative flow of ideas manifest itself into courage to imagine refreshingly new way to look at life.

 Social media is driving today's youngsters to a large extent. Often we find them engaged with social media platforms for work, leisure, entertainment and online interaction with others. Constant usage has caused much disorientation in their lives. The energetic, innovative youth loses physical & emotional humane touch & individuality landing into a void of loneliness. They are compelled to seek interaction online with random strangers that can cause a lot of psychological impact on their mind causing a lot of disturbance in one’s personality.  The increased peer pressure, low self - esteem, constant urge to seek instant gratification, aggression, mismanagement of daily routine, cyber bullying and stalking, impractical expectations & relationship, distraction from reality, irregular behaviour, sleep disorder etc. is leading to unwarranted fears & stress, anxiety &  depression affecting their mental health.

Adolescence is the period of testing one’s boundaries, discovery, learning, physical and emotional development. The competition, uncertainties, insecurity, lack of coping skills necessary to deal with issues they face and feeling unsettled stresses them to the extent that their angst turns into anxiety. Listen & value their thoughts/opinion without judgement, empathise with their struggle of growing up, acknowledge their fears, take interest in finding & doing together things they enjoy.   

 Life is an existence, revere it. Live it as joyful experience by ‘doing’ instead of merely ‘complaining’. Rudyard Kipling said "I prefer to believe the best of everybody, it saves so much trouble". There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and gift solitude to self to find harmony and balance. Each one of us has own share of insecurities that make us deal with ups & downs in different ways. Reinvent & challenge your potential. One’s vision, belief in self and hard work helps one fructify own dreams.       

The trauma of bullying, harshness of parents & feeling of isolation even amongst a crowd makes an adolescent brood and suffer from anxiety & depression. They need to be heard and their innocence & sensitivity valued and appreciated. No one rebels without a cause, their vulnerabilities push them into a fit of rage & resistance. Their resentment, fears and anxieties are real. They need to be reassured before they fall into a guilt trap while untangling their internal conflicts.  Curiosity in adolescents demands safe space to articulate their thoughts without being judged and unsolicited intervention.

Disruptive thought process initiated  when perturbed by others' reaction and ruthless judgement delivered based upon preconceived notion is an impediment to maintain one's calm & peaceful composure. Make sure you are not driven by perceptions.

 

Criticism & Coercive act of a disgruntled person hurts and has serious implications on psychological & emotional well being. The subjective opinion & perception of others makes it impossible to make everybody like you. Let go of the hurt, do not cast aspersions on others and get on with life.  Only healthy collaboration brings in substantial change in one's perception of own vulnerabilities and helps confront emotional upheaval. Love, compassion & collective responsibility helps one tap hidden potential and prepare for the future. Learn & adapt to face it, keep a cool head as you manoeuvre moments of strife & don’t crumble under guilt. 

 "Albert Einstein - The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance". Every act of ours leave behind impressions and impact our future. Our actions must bring cheer to others known or unknown. Delusion holds back a person from acknowledging facts and thus alienates him/her from reality. The individual is prone to harbour secrets that affect mental health.

 

Honesty of emotions, being true to self, staying focused and working with conviction & without inhibitions is a great learning experience and inspiring. Over ambition makes one vulnerable to making compromises that destroys the chance to live own dreams and belittle own self worth. Stay grounded, be selfless and act with sympathy & compassion. Ups and downs are a part of life, be grateful for what you have. Gratefulness is the key to happiness, only constant in life. Ego, jealousy and anger, the negative emotions erupt because of pain inflicted by failures and regrets. Conviction to count one's blessings even in adversity helps one maintain the harmony of body and mind.

Life is uncertain. The feeling of anger, confusion and helplessness kills the love, compassion & kindness in you. The pressure of battling most challenging situations with a smile is what only tough guys sustain and hold themselves in the chaos.

 

Happiness is to revere each moment with a smiling face. Life is an existence and all decisions contribute to development of evolving existence. There is no true right or wrong decision. To err is human, keep on learning from mistakes to evolve & move ahead in life. Forgive self completely taking full ownership & responsibility for own behavior and deeds. Release the guilt, appreciate all events & experiences in life and be grateful for the good things life has offered to stay happy.

 A child, irrespective of gender, is vulnerable to abuse. The fear of stigma or shame hold abused children back from narrating the ordeal and express their emotional hurt. These children are likely to display violent behavior when they grow up and suffer from psychological problems, anxiety & depression.

 

Anger & frustration in the face of frequent disappointments pulls one down. Express freely and do not allow bottling up of feelings and emotions. It disturbs one’s peace of mind and happiness. Remain calm & composed in your moments of struggle, count your blessings and appreciate associated stress free moments to maintain mental health.  

 

A child is present wherever he/she happens to be right now and doesn’t think much about the past or future. Fully embracing & living in the present moment is the very essence of his/her joy and happiness. Difficult & challenging times in life are inevitable but are temporary. Develop a true appreciation of the present, fully engage with it and treasure the precious experiences to become wiser.

 

Provocative & contrary dialogue ends up in arguments. The feeling of being taken for granted to conform to expectations makes a child resentful. Fear of scrutiny, comparison, criticism & rejection always dictates the response. Displeasure & frustration expressed in the form of anger to dissuade children makes them feel helpless and takes away the intent to listen and speak without fear about their anxieties. A belief something intrinsically wrong with them, they are unworthy and do not deserve patient hearing destroys their uniqueness & inspiration to learn to sustain themselves in challenging times.

 

Attachment means possessiveness which creates bondage. There is always a fear. One is continuously afraid, anxious & worried. The moment you possess somebody, you are exploiting other’s freedom which anyone will resist. It doesn't allow the friendship to grow & is utterly destructive. Love is beautiful only when there is no attachment to it and creates a space most precious phenomenon in existence.

Acute awareness of one’s vulnerabilities creates deep anxiety & anger.  It is therefore one must think of the present rather than dwell in the past. Compromises, hard work put in, challenges faced, disappointments experienced in the journey so far helps one gain unique perspective about life and come out of comfort zone.

Peer pressure, comparisons, over-reaction, aggression, impulsive attitude, indecisiveness & negative comments brings in turbulence that affects one’s peace of mind.  Being grateful for what one has in life, self-acceptance, respect for others, controlling anger, focus on plus side and making an opinion with full awareness & proper knowledge of the conflicts helps one maintain calm composure & peace of mind.

 

 

The child consciously or unconsciously gets busy with smart phone while sitting with friends, peers or family at dining time and does not pay attention to face-to-face interaction. It generally is categorized as addiction but this may be the anxiety & depression, mental health issue of the child, which makes the child to develop & exhibit aloofness. A childhood, witness to abuse & frequent family violence, is prone to trigger mental distress such as anger, anxiety & depression.

 

Fear of being judged by people around holds one back from accepting own imperfections & making amendment required in one’s behavior. Constant provocation, even an insignificant comment when one is feeling low, makes one lose cool and exhibit rude behavior.  Self-love teaches one to learn and move ahead making choices of one’s own liking without bothering much about external environment to find peace & happiness.    

Breaking trust is traumatic and is an impediment to a healthy, fulfilling and guilt free relationship. Animosity, jealousy, squabbling, feeling of insecurity & unkindness affects the bonding and creates chaos in life which is damaging both mentally and emotionally. Acknowledgement rather than getting angry & rebelling at the genuine concern shown by dominating other is a better choice.

 

The resentment & bitter feeling towards an individual carried in mind because of his/her misdemeanor eats you up. Like we purge our workspace periodically for cleanliness & freshness, our mind also requires periodic purging of bad memories that disturb & affect our mental peace. Rid the mind of hatred, the negativity affecting your calmness & peaceful composure.

 

Interpersonal conflict escalates into violence because of lack of trust and resorting to dominate each other. Unconditional love is the key to developing companionship both in joy and sorrow.

 

Move away from the victim mentality & into empowerment via willingness to change accompanied by readiness. Having a vision for future is inspiring & exciting but be aware when thoughts about the future start distracting from embracing vulnerability & participation in the present moment. Do not hesitate to commit fully to present because conditions are not perfect. Our emotions, thoughts, beliefs & perceptions influence our life & health.

 

Being ambitious, competitive and achievement oriented is normal but being fully aware of the impact, of intense pain & insecurity associated with sense of loss, on one’s fragile graceful existence is a must. Life lived in fear, with anger & stress rather than calmness & tranquility deserves reflection & redefining to make it meaningful. Do not nurture inflated ego; live this very moment with love & humility, creatively & happily; there is no tomorrow for happiness. Tomorrow is uncertain no one can predict it.      

 

Delineate & liberate self from anger & animosity, learn from mistakes to rekindle connect in the relationship. An individual always remembers how one has been treated. Immense amount of Love, respect & consideration for one another is the way forward to endure the pain and evolve as good lovable human beings.

 

Experiencing a lot of challenges & struggle in life, one may land up in developing a defeatist attitude, a feeling of victimhood and judging variety of situations as unfair. One needs to simply observe and be aware of the thoughts, internal & external reactions to things that happen, chronic behavior, word choice, self-talk & emotional state. Gather a clearer & more comprehensive understanding of how it impacts life. Our habitual behaviors & responses are in tune with our powerful belief system created based on feelings & thoughts generated due to things that we saw, heard or experienced in life. Consciously choose to respond differently to liberate self from your belief system. Generally we have a sense of what we want to hear that makes receiving guidance difficult but one of the most important qualities we need to receive guidance is an open mind.

 

Let go of feelings of anger or uncertainty regarding your experience to emotionally lay to rest the issue which is weighing you down. Reliving old memories to the point of frustration hampers all your sincere efforts to disassociate with past & find resolution. You are left to grieve instead of releasing the experience so you can move forward. The significance of the event lies in an understanding of what has happened, lessons derived from the experience that serves to quiet the mind even when questions have been left unanswered & helps acknowledge that a change has taken place. Consciously accept, honor & appreciate what has taken place. You have done best what was needed, are wiser & ready for whatever life wants to bring you next in new phase of life.

Anmol Singh Thakur Psychologist Chandigarh

 

Healthy relationship demands empathy, understanding and compromise. Arguments, disagreements and conflicts between partners under stressful conditions results in aggression & violence. The tendency of negative interactions can be minimized if one re-frames thoughts & feelings about the differences from the view point of a neutral third party. Interaction with a professional, whom one can count on to listen when one needs to talk, is a dependable social support that benefits & helps one’s mind to function better and more objectively. 

Nothing is constant. The pain & desperation born out of adversity forces one to self-reflect and re-look at life. Committing mistakes is part of growing up but the dynamics of life demands conviction, confidence in self, appreciation & encouragement by people who matter to lead a life of endurance & perseverance to be at peace.

 

 

A child with passage of time may forget what you said or did but shall never forget how you made them feel. Asserting self assumed supremacy over child with total disregard for their self respect, dignity and feelings make them loose self esteem. Compassion has tremendous physical & mental benefits, accepting the child with open arms is inspiring and strengthens the resolve to stand resolutely against any adversity.

 

In case you find yourself continually irritable around a person or persons, or getting angry and defensive with them, try to limit your interactions with these people as much as possible. These people may be carrying excessive negative energy & actively envisioning and wishing you failure thus casting a negative spell on your energy making you vulnerable to psychic attacks. An extensive Psychic attack can be very devastating and left unchecked, result in the following:

·         Depression

·         Anxiety

·         Illness

·         Accidents

·         Job Loss

Choose to be around people who uplift your spirit.

 

Happiness, a state of mind - calm, peaceful & quiet, lies in the greater joys of life found in one’s creativity, beauty of nature, strengths, simple living & affirmation to be happy. The constant comparisons, running after materialistic things, the weaknesses, failures, guilt etc, leads to unhappy state of mind. The narrow confines of boundaries & limitations assigned to the concept of happiness while busy fighting the challenges of daily life disturbs one’s state of mind. Only patience & resilience helps in evolving one’s best self. 

 

Individuality sets one apart from the crowd. The attitude of being unabashedly confident of leading life of one’s choice helps one embrace self unapologetically despite the criticism on any aspect of life. Scrolling through content on social media pages every now and then; forces one to start comparing self to others; thus distracts & diverts one from own real priorities.  Focus on people around for inspiration; take a break from social media.

 

Encourage the children to just do what comes to them with ease. Do not bother them seeking perfection let them make mistakes. Accept their inabilities & vulnerabilities that when not acknowledged result in anxiety. Relax nothing is worth being stressed just let them finish their activity. A gentle & nurturing parent is one who is polite & respectful in manner, supportive of child’s needs and helps acquire new ways to manage & cope with the disruptive turbulence in mind. 

 

It is natural to experience people around change their behavior according to how well one is doing. Let it not affect your emotional well being. Always have a goal, staying consistent in your efforts to sustain path to success helps in struggling days. Stay happy, contended and grateful for what you have achieved so far.

Teenagers’ wanting their space exhibit rude & violent behavior in response to parent’s repeated directives over study, upkeep of room, time spent on mobile or the friends they keep. They rebel and react with brazenness to express defiance when feel humiliated by the use of adjectives like useless, pathetic, good for nothing fellow. Ignore minor irritants and show basic respect to child irrespective of the age to avoid impolite response. Value their individuality, regularly spare & spend time to discuss and encourage them to achieve set goal. Regularly acknowledge, recognize, appreciate and reward their initiatives & efforts to keep them motivated and happily engaged in learning process to grow and have an everlasting bond.

 

 Maintain & keep distance from a person whom you cannot trust and who generates a lot of anger & hatred, the negative thoughts, and affects yourself. The influence of one’s particular action motivated by thought, intention & attitude is either beneficial or negative & affects destiny. Negative influence makes one feel depressed.

 

Efforts put in with complete dedication, commitment, focus & concentration leads you to an incredibly proud moment & a feeling nothing can beat. The emotion one experiences brings tears of joy.  

. “Lonely is not being alone, it’s a feeling that no one cares. You never realise how lonely you are until it’s the end of the day and you got a bunch of things to talk about and no one to talk to.”

 

 

Calm, relaxed, restless, anxious, confident, unsure, envious, grateful are the different aspects of a human personality and is dependent on one’s perceptions & reactions. Impatience is expecting instant gratification because of lack of self-control leading to impulsive reaction and adds to stress, aggression & pain.  Impatience also affects our power to tolerate, adjust or accept thus generates restless. The turbulence in the mind depletes our compassion, kindness & respect and results in development of fragile relationships.

Patience with self, people & situations makes us confident & like-able and brings peace, compassion & acceptance. Cultivating and nurturing patience requires taming our irritation, anger, anxiety, fear, doubt or judgment, comparison & competition.  The thoughts, feelings, motivations, attitudes & preferences are the outcome of our inner state. Self awareness gained via observing own ever-changing thoughts & emotions helps us get better understanding of the tendency of being engrossed in self-talk resulting in unhappiness.

 Getting stuck in life is a part of journey and frustrating. The fears of change when the situation is out of our control makes our mind stagnate. Let go of judging self and make conclusions. Focus on admirable qualities & elevate thinking standards. Self introspection with the aid of someone whom we can trust to be sensitive & honest does help us to figure out the reasons if we listen with an open mind. Psychologists are trained professionals and the best bet to seek assistance.

Parent’s social relationships, interpersonal & intrapersonal interactions, behaviour patterns are keenly observed by children while growing up. Childhood perceptions so built up by them in the course of upbringing contributes to making & development of their personality. Parent’s endeavour must be to provide an environment at home conducive for the child’s healthy growth, study & preparation for bright future. Focus needs to be on the feel good factor of child.  An optimum assertiveness punctuated with warmth is desirable for a disciplined upbringing. Regular conversation, face to face social interaction, acknowledgement, recognition for small-big achievements & rewards, leisure time physical activity like outdoor sports, and vacation amongst nature helps child acquire skills to sustain cut throat competition. Impressionable minds must not be allowed to waste time and energy in virtual & deceptive world of the digital technology (smart phones etc), the latest addiction pushing them into their cocoons (physical & mental isolation).   

 

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Joy & happiness are two different positive emotions. One is a positive force that stays for longer periods of time, maybe even permanently as a person grows older.

Everyone wants to be happy. Happiness is a more material-based emotion & involves positive outside force that affects you personally. Happiness is elation, sudden pure excitement, in response to some sort of great news/happening and is short-lived.

Joy is a permanent part of your life. It is a mindset, a characteristic, the strength within self that holds a long-term feeling of contentment derived from accomplishing something you’ve been trying for a while & finally achieving what you’ve set out to do. It is about knowing your own self-worth, love for self & being at peace within despite any negativity in your environment. Joy is diminished only if you react negatively to the situation all the time. Joy is in thankfulness, as you let someone know they are appreciated.