Welcome year 2019 - commit to master your thoughts.

Anmol Singh-Psychologist, Chandigarh Contact 9872880634

Welcome year 2019 - commit  to master your thoughts.

Be aware of your negative emotions like anger. Do not feel threatened / loose your temper in an emotionally charged atmosphere. Underline the irritants/triggers/reasons that disturb and stress you.  Do not suppress but give expression to your negative thoughts and discuss with your trusted ones to make an effort to eliminate as much of them as is feasible.  Maintain self control/discipline, put in an extra effort to remain calm and composed, strengthen self with positive thoughts to live a peaceful life.

Listen & Respond - Body Language

Anmol Singh- Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Listen & Respond - Body Language 

A feeling of pang in your gut when you may be doing the wrong thing, or a vibrant zing when your body approves your action, can guide you reliably at times when logic fails. Sometimes, when logic prevails, we ignore our gut & live to regret it, understanding later that a rational approach is only one way of determining what is going on in a situation & how we should react. 

The gestures & expressions we/others make, the sensations/feelings within when we are communicating with others, the non verbal communication of body, reveal enlightening messages. Excitement, nervousness, anxiety & fear are just some of the messages that your body wants you to hear.

Crossing of arms over chest indicates feeling defensive, looking away while speaking indicates withholding of some information,  brushing hands through others hair or leaning forward to get closer indicates flirting with someone one is attracted to and body telling you to move away from a particular circumstance indicates you do not want to be there.

Tune in and listen to the language of body to know the truth about ourselves & others.  Pay attention and tune in to your feelings inside if you want to know how you truly feel about a person or a situation you encounter and listen to what others are communicating to you through their body. Take a deep breath and tune in to a clear & communicative gut feeling for guidance in order to adjust your action accordingly.

Avoid the urge to withdraw from world

Reach out to the trusted & loving people, who care about you the most, and share your hopes, fears, grief, sadness and pain with them. It helps them feel & understand your feelings and vulnerability. Their wisdom, perspective & experience helps you lessen the burden and stop your urge to withdraw from life seeking protection from external stimuli causing adverse and damaging feelings.  

Worry is confused with Concern for your children

Worry is confused with Concern –parents to take note of

The thoughts, words & actions of our parents, siblings, friends and well wishers witnessed since childhood inculcates in us a belief that worrying is caring. That is why we live according to this belief and also ask our children many annoying questions out of fear & anxiety generated due to our own assumptions/presumptions about his/her difficult emotional situation/future. They definitely need our support but worrying is not expressing love/concern i.e Care. The factors/people/external environment responsible for their situation may be beyond our control but how we help them respond can determine the quality of their life.

We must comprehend their needs, empathize with them, walk with them in challenging times, determine how best to support & assist enabling them build confidence to persevere through almost any condition. The guardianship ensures they grow as individuals, develop qualities of patience, tolerance & acceptance, prepares & strengthens them to handle uncomfortable challenges while living their lives with grace.

Self-Forgiveness

Self-Forgiveness

Every human being commits mistake and regrets doing it, but self-forgiveness is important to become a compassionate person. We all go through many things in life that bring pain and hold self/people/situations/GOD accountable for this. By judging oneself and others one develops a mindset that leads to finding fault with everything, criticism and disappointment that elicits strong feeling of anger and pain.

Holding on to the perceived harm/danger, anger and resentment from the unforgivable act makes you go through same pain again and again which is detrimental to the feeling of self-love and thus self-forgiveness. Forgiveness is about letting go. It is not about forgiving someone else but about setting yourself free from that pain. Feel the emotions, release them, move on in life and evolve as a happier and better person.

Acknowledge, take responsibility for mistakes, make amends to not simply get along with others, but so to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. View the mistakes as lessons and overcome victim mentality that impacts your happiness, health, and future. It allows one to live in the present instead of being stuck in the past and deal with the scare that we are going to commit mistakes in the future.

Resentment – get rid of it for personal development & Joy.

Resentment – an impediment in personal development & Joy.

All of us get angry. Anger is the emotional response to someone who inflicts pain or something that does not happen the way you want, need or expected it to.

Resentment is anger that does not find outlet and holding onto the hurt. It is a way of assigning blame to someone or something responsible to ease the feeling of pain. It smolders relentlessly just below the surface of our awareness thus eroding our peace of mind and causing great turmoil in life. Realise that hanging onto resentment in our hearts does not serve us in any way. We only hurt and harm ourselves. Choose peace over anger in your life to be free from suffering.

We must choose to let go of our resentment and to move on with our lives, no matter how painful the event that incited it. It is difficult to successfully divest ourselves of resentful feelings but doing so lets us confront the source of anger mentally & emotionally.

We must shift our attention from those we resent back toward ourselves. Think about your own needs and quell resentful feelings by giving tangible form to your emotions. Write down your feelings, then burn the paper & wish them well. When you find compassion in your heart, you know you are on your way to healing.

Free of resentment we have much more energy and attention to devote to our personal development & joy.

He/She is different - Acknowledge & Accept

One of a Kind

Acknowledge the importance of individuals in family who fail in some way to connect and try to keep healthy relationship. Never expect them to change their values/aspects of their individuality. This sense of not belonging exhibited by them must be perceived as the natural result of their willingness to articulate their own individuality. They may pull back from the people to whom they might otherwise feel closest and embrace a different group with whom they enjoy a greater degree of commonality. It sets them apart in their choice to connect with specific people to experience what would contribute to their ongoing evolution. They may be more sensitive, artistic, aware & imaginative. Their disparate (dissimilar) temperament need not be a reason for interpersonal conflict. Move beyond comparisons, accept these differences and appreciate the role they play in your life's unique journey.

The Journey of Purpose

The Journey of Purpose

It is commonly said - 'Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Happiness is not only in reaching your purpose, your destination, but also in the journey of purpose’.

We almost right through our life work hard to achieve our various long term or short term goals - personal goals, professional, financial, social, relationship goals; goals related to physical well being & health etc.  We direct all our actions towards fulfilling this purpose of life with a lot of expectations.  

A carefree, expectation free & detached rather than a stressful worried approach to our dreams lets one live happily in today rather than making our happiness dependent on achievements of future. Avoid getting upset & discouraged that makes the journey difficult & tiring. The worries and stress not only harm the emotional self but even our physical body & relationships. Remember happiness is not later, it is always now.

Delusions and hallucinations

Delusions and hallucinations:

Humans are vulnerable to circumstances. These circumstances, life style, relationships, day to day nitty-gritty all take a toll on us in today’s fast paced life. Some of us experience harrowing experiences in absence of social support. They feel neglected, abandoned & shackled. They feel people ill-treat & harm them. Their lives are spent balancing despair and hope. They suffer long term anxiety, depression, indulge in self talk and keep smiling inappropriately. Society categorizes these people Chronic PMI( persons with mental health) suffering from psychotic disorders.

These people refuse treatment due to lack of insight, stigma of mental illness and fear of rejection. These people silently suffer from mental illness e.g schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, unipolar depression, Obsessive compulsive syndrome (OCD), dementia etc. Their families also get burdened emotionally, financially, economically, socially, health wise and suffer social deprivation. 

Prioritize and do away with responsibilities that hold no value to you. Be friends with those who want, accept and cherish your company. Share responsibility and take help when necessary to create a balance. Do away with anticipated fears and get rid of unwarranted thoughts that drain your energy and have negative emotional consequences leading to severe mental health issues.  Fight your battle with the knowledge & virtues like patience & tolerance acquired through interpersonal relationships, a life free of parochialism & prejudice, developing an understanding that pain & pleasure/ loss & profit are all relative and must be taken in one’s stride. Learn to control & handle emotions, let out your feelings and perform your duties despite the grief over a loss to retain a good and sturdy mental health.     

Assess and be aware of things of paramount importance to you and spare time to rejuvenate yourself on the road to happiness.

Relying on Others - The Wisdom of Surrender

Relying on Others - The Wisdom of Surrender

Most of us take pride in ourselves on self-sufficiency. One’s ego resists acceptance of challenging situations fully as it brings up feelings of uselessness & vulnerability. However, at times when one faces such situations in which one has to rely on someone else, it is essential that we let go of our feeling that we should be able to do it all by ourselves. We should accept the help of others. The experience of needing others & allowing them to help us makes us realize that we are not on our own in the world and it enables us to be wiser. A deep feeling of gratitude emerges as we open to the human experience of being helped. We are only happy when we are full of gratitude.

Acceptance & surrender to own limitations & helplessness help us discover humility, gratitude & an understanding of human experience that enables us to be much more compassionate in the service to others when we are called upon to help.