Love happens naturally and the person envisions a beautiful sincere loving relationship. The connection of two minds & hearts, loving each other & relating to one another and having aligned values is healthy relationship. Two things in life can never be changed; the past and partner, hence trying to change partner is completely dishonest. Compassion, care, will to hear, feeling heard & safe, adapting & meeting half way, laughing away the blues, happy thoughts and positive outlook brings in happiness & bliss, the key to a healthy and secure relationship.

 

Past life story Detachment and past life link I am in my teens watching a family, an elderly couple, a man and two boys, having dinner somewhere in Rajasthan. I could feel being a member of the family but not a part of them. I am supposed to be sleep on a rug on the kitchen floor but i see myself lying on a bed in a room that belongs to the man of the house. I am in relation with him and we are to get married. I am very happy that i would soon be the woman of the house. Next I realized that i was pregnant. I could not see anything for a while. I was taken for delivery. I watched myself hitting the stomach till i lost the baby. I killed my baby. [visibly started rubbing rigorously right side of stomach]. I started crying as I did not deliver. I was told i could not have a baby. He had lied to me, he would never marry me. I see myself running away from that place. I am carrying all my belongings wrapped in a piece of cloth held under my left arm. I am cleaning the place. Some women, like me, come, talk to British woman, sit down on the floor in the room and study. I used to finish work and stand outside the room trying to see what they do. The English woman eventually allowed me to sit with those women and i also started to study. I am wearing a nice Sari and teaching poor women. I do not try to lower my look any more. I do not avoid men any more, meet and talk to them. I do not look unkept and ugly any more. They respected me. I could connect the respect with teaching. I was overjoyed. (my looks do matter to me a lot and of course in this life too). I am 35 and run a school for Kids. I stay in a house within the school premises. I always wear a Sari and tie my hair in a bun. There was no man in my life. Around the age of 38, i met a man who was very well dressed and wore a hat. I felt attracted to him but something inside me told to stay away. We met at a function at the school. We met again after few months but i decided to stop meeting him. It was not good for me though i knew i was attracted to him more than he was to me. I see myself travelling to England. I went to meet the English lady and thank her. [She is my mother in current life]. She was very old yet graceful. She was very happy to see me grow as a person. I thanked her. It was very fulfilling to meet her again and share my story. A young English woman came back along with me. I enjoyed her teaching style and it made our school different from others. I had to learn so much from her. I see myself at a place. There were only women wearing white clothes. There was a teacher who would teach them yoga. The centre was in a place in the hills. It said Yoga but we never did yoga. We used to do meditations. I am 60. I am reading about the soul and trying to purify my soul. I also teach the meditation technique to other women in that centre. The name of centre is Raj Yoga. I was wondering that we all are women here and why would the name of our centre be Raj Yoga.[there is a Raj Yoga centre for women in Rajasthan which is for Brahma Kumaris] I am 65 and have given the charge of the school to the English young lady. I would only supervise. I started preparing to go through long meditations, reading, searching about Soul and purifying my soul. It is early morning. I woke up and had a bath, wore pure white new clothes. I died peacefully. I moved up very fast and reached a place of absolute calmness. Master light blessed me and I was filled with peace, calmness and joy. I was called Urma....It was 18th century. How to describe this life and I would say : LEARNING.

 

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Peace of mind must be a priority

An individual is powerless over the pain but must not become party to escalation of the sufferings. Peace of mind must be your priority, introspect and going forward embrace the changes. The moment mind starts thinking, planning & fearing for the future and disturbs emotional balance, direct your thoughts to the present issues and deal with them right then. Living in the present moment you shall feel calm. Be grateful for what you have achieved, do not judge, be compassionate for self to remain happy.

Inspire & cooperate rather than intimidate & dominate must be parent’s mantra while a child grows up. The child must not be forced to develop a psyche that makes him/her live life just pleasing parents and others, seeking approval & support. This psyche inhibits a child from learning own purpose of life and how to live for self & make self happy. These children, despite being successful and independent, later on in life feel a vacuum inside and start questioning self as to why they act as per other’s expectations pushing them into lot of emotional turmoil.

 

An individual selects the goal of life according to one’s attitude. The progress solely depends on his/her attitude. He/she selects & follows the path to achieve and maintains health according to their attitude. Whether one’s attitude is based on Positive thoughts or on negative thoughts makes a difference of Sky and Earth in life. The person following the positive thoughts and disciplined lifestyle always has to go the long and difficult path but he/she becomes stronger and achieves self confidence.

 

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Any one unpredictable incident, how so ever insignificant, can turn out to be so overwhelming & traumatic that it transforms the individual into a complete emotional wreck. The individual is engulfed by unfounded fears, thinks a lot recollecting painful memories of the past and is overpowered by negative thoughts that cause stress & builds anxiety. The incessant suffering due to the unchecked anxiety leads to depression. Resilience and mindfulness is what helps an individual fight & win over such thoughts with courage & hope. Psychologists & psychotherapists help the individual take positive actions which alter the structure of their emotions leading to maintenance of good mental health.

 

 

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Impactful conversation

Impactful conversation is empathetic, reassuring, refreshes lovely memories and reflects courtesy, concern, care & consideration. Interpersonal conversation, be it with parents, relatives, friends or colleagues, must be healthy & responsive enough to build trust and cultivate a strong bond. Be patient, calm & composed, disengage from distractions & listen attentively, acknowledge, understand & appreciate other’s perspective because sustainability must be the focus of conversation. Spend precious quality time and be there for each other in your own way to help other express vulnerability, share what is happening in life and vent pent up feelings. Accusation, blame, arrogance & being judgmental is embarrassing and does not let one laugh, love, have fun, ignore, fight & make up.  

 

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The Key to Self-Change.. Self-observation is the key to a higher order of awareness; it is how we learn to become inwardly vigilant to our own thoughts & feelings, even as they pass through us. To observe yourself means that you can't be self-absorbed. Higher awareness through self-observation increases your field of choices, because this elevated inner position places you high above the game & lets you see all of the players. On the other hand, self-absorption is like being on the field. Not only can you not see all of the players, but those that you can see are more often than not slamming into you, turning you around & around until you don't know which way to run. That's the whole point: stop running & bumping, and start seeing.

 

The human ego holds back a person from accepting vulnerability & feeling of uselessness in the face of challenging situation as he/she takes pride in self-sufficiency. However, acceptance & surrender to one’s own limitations & helplessness facilitates seeking timely help from others when the situation so demands. The experience of letting go of the feeling that he/she must be able to do it all by self & accepting help makes one discover humility & gratitude. The human experience of needing others & allowing them to help makes one realize that we are not on our own in the world & a deep feeling of gratitude emerges. A person full of gratitude is happy and more compassionate in service to others.

 

Assist the child lead a structured life

 

The child does not feel good and is struggling with emotional coming of age. The ups & downs drama unfolding in the journey of growing up makes them face emotional turmoil and vulnerable to emotional breakdown. He/She starts questioning each & every aspect of own identity, finds it difficult to reach a state of self acceptance, does not value self and opts for the path of self destruction. The child is required to be assisted to make him/her understand and comprehend that the problems are common/general in nature and not affecting only him/her. That the life is certainly not a straight line and child requires direction to deal with everyday struggles. It is hard work and there are no shortcuts to healing on the path to recovery from emotional ailments. A psychologist helps him/her understand and find emotional vocabulary that guides and provides direction to a more structured life.

The biggest confusion for people who get into spirituality is with regards to their “Ego”. It’s common for spiritual people to consider Ego as negative; but in truth, it’s not Ego that’s negative but thoughts based in fear that are negative. Ego is Ego; it’s not negative or positive. What you “think” determines whether you are aligning with negative or positive.

 

Nagging & unpleasant words spoken

Nagging & unpleasant words spoken, comparisons & blame, rude behaviour and careless treatment meted out adversely damages self worth & self esteem of a child.  The adjectives used like useless, pathetic, good for nothing fellow, stupid, idiot etc  makes them feel humiliated invites impolite response as they rebel and react with brazenness to express defiance. Instead comprehending their needs, supporting, walking & empathizing with them in challenging times builds up their confidence & develops qualities of patience, tolerance & acceptance, prepares & strengthens them to handle uncomfortable challenges. Valuing his/her existence, spending time with him, encouraging child’s initiatives & making learning a fun process while growing up builds an everlasting bond and grooms & conditions the child to accept & reciprocate in a style that is not found weird/awkward. Recognition and genuine praise in public or even in private duly appreciating his/her achievement makes the child feel important, brings a natural smile and motivation to excel.

Self doubt rather than facing failure kills the WILL to dream.

 

Self doubt rather than facing failure kills the WILL to dream. There is profound need to reorient one’s habit of brooding over the personal discomfort and inconvenience. Immerse & engage self, passionately in an activity that is emotionally, intellectually & aesthetically stimulating enough to help you tide over the troublesome dark thoughts. Adapt to the new situation and relax. Perseverance & endurance helps one become a resolute and resilient human being.

Today’s youth is techno-savvy and deeply engaged in free expression of themselves, without any inhibition, about their looks, thoughts and work in the social media. The quantification of likes, shares and comments they receive in the virtual world do add to the pressures. The illusion about one’s popularity and credibility, perceptible trust & loyalty redefines one’s desperation to increase the numbers to the extent that one may opt for unethical means to achieve the same.

 

Apathy and not hate is destructive

 

Apathy and not hate is destructive. Aspire to get rid of negativity & discover own identity. Any incidence can change life in all aspects like never before, be aware & channelise energy in the right direction. Don’t succumb to pressures & continue to dream. Life’s too short to while away time, make mistakes & learn from them. Adapt, think about survival, be empathetic & respect fellow human beings rather than getting engulfed in suspicion & acquiring rebellious attitude without a cause in the face of severe toxicity.

Holding onto Past trauma is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere we go. It drains our energy, leaving less available for life in the present because we are constantly feeding an old issue. This burden can cause illness the same way watering a dead plant creates decay. Counselling session can help.

 

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We create around 25 to 30 thoughts per minute; we may speak around 3 to 4 lines in a minute and may perform 1 to 2 actions in a minute. Since the number of thoughts is much more and thought energy travels faster than sound, thoughts become the basis of the relationship. Also thoughts are created even if we may not be physically present with each other. So the number of thoughts we create for another person is much more than the words we speak to them or our behaviour towards them daily. Let us take care of our every thought, for every soul, at every time, remembering well that this is the foundation of our relationship. If we wish to change the quality of any relationship, we only need to check our thinking about them. Change our thoughts and the relationship will change

Relationship... An incorrect belief that many of us carry is that relationships are about behaving and speaking in the right manner. This is because we think people see, know and judge only what we speak and do. We think they cannot sense what we think, so we don’t pay attention to our thoughts about them. Ask yourself – have you ever created negative thoughts and positive words, believing that the other person can only hear your words. Have you ever said to someone that it was wonderful meeting them, even though you are creating thoughts of boredom? We need deep checking and a constant awareness to see how we are different in our thoughts, words and actions. Relationship is not just a label of a role or a responsibility – parent child, husband wife, brother sister, friends, senior junior or two strangers. Relationship is an exchange of energy between two souls. Each soul creates energy of thoughts, words and actions. Any soul with whom we are exchanging this energy, at that moment we are in relationship with them.

 

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Interaction that is uncomfortable and puts you in an embarrassing/awkward situation must be cut short without losing cool and being disrespectful. Interpersonal communication, be it with parents, relatives, friends or colleagues, must be healthy & responsive enough to cultivate a strong bond to have a support group. No one in life keeps showering unconditional love in today’s time.

When we laugh, we give ourselves over to the immediacy of the present moment & transcend stress. There are 3 stages to mindful laughter. Each stage can last anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. The first stage involves stretching your body like a cat & breathing deeply. Your stretch should start at the hands & feet before you move through the rest of your body. Stretch out the muscles in your face by yawning and making silly faces. The second stage of the meditation is pure laughter. Imagine a humorous situation, remember funny jokes, or think about how odd it is to be laughing by yourself. When the giggles start to rise, let them. Let the laughter ripple through your belly and down into the soles of your feet. Let the laughter lead to physical movement. Roll on the floor, if you have to, and keep on laughing until you stop. The final stage of the meditation is one of silence. Sit with your eyes closed & focus on your breath. Laughter brings with it a host of positive effects that operate on both the physical & mental levels. It is also fun, expressive, & a way to release tension. Learn to laugh in the present moment, and you’ll find that joy is always there

 

Fear is the reason you resist life. You resist your own expansion because you are “fearful” of expanding. People want better lives but deep down they are afraid of leaving their present reality behind, even if it’s a miserable one. The mind wants to cling to the familiar, so it will cling to an unpleasant life situation also – just because it’s familiar. Clinging, or identifying, with a life situation causes you to resist the movement of life, and hence you start feeling stagnant or stuck.

 

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Life is forever moving, it’s very dynamic Anyone who aligns with the flow of life would experience each day differently, there would be something new, something fresh, about each moment. Life is so full of “aliveness” it’s not possible to feel a sense of “stuckness” when you are moving with the flow. Life will carry you forth and provide you with the energy to take the right actions and get to realities that feel “good” to your being. Life is always moving towards the manifestation of your positive desires, so everyday has the potential to bring something new into your life.

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 School/Childhood friendship, the true friends, is the family an individual cherishes & prides in because the bond of friendship is cemented by unadulterated meeting of minds despite being unique individually. They provide the reality check one needs to stay grounded. The prejudices, comparisons, judgments, jealousies, complexes etc do not influence & affect the bonding between true friends.

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It is natural for a human to get influenced by those who impress him/her. Each of us is unique hence one must focus on identifying his/her own uniqueness rather than develop an inferiority complex.  Do not blindly try to be like them and compete with them. Be completely yourself, laugh at self and live a life suiting your sensibilities because what you have inside (the compassion, the gratitude, the delight & happiness at others achievement) is what matters.  Self confidence helps you face successfully an adverse situation beyond your control.